


How to Seduce a Himbo who Already Likes You

by MoonlightStarlights



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Rating May Change, Unrequited Love, post ep 9
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29993646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightStarlights/pseuds/MoonlightStarlights
Summary: Kaoru knew his friendship with Kojiro was unusual to most people. They don't really act like how most friends would, but none of that ever really mattered. It worked for them and he was content for everything to stay the same.Then it suddenly wasn't and everything he knew about their relationship was turned on its head.(Or Kaoru is bad with feelings and makes an effort.)
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki, Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 14
Kudos: 238





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched SK8, Episode 9 wrecked my house, and then I started reading headcanons and basically this tumblr post sparked this whole idea. And I'm a sucker for angst.  
> https://wishiwasfictinol.tumblr.com/post/645009011448692736/i-definitely-agree-with-joe-clinking-his-glass

Kojiro has always been a constant in Kaoru’s life. If he tries to think about a time when he never knew the green-headed idiot, he gets vague memories. Most are barely important, just shots of running around in grass, getting lost in a store or sitting on his mother’s lap as he watched TV. 

The idea of Kojiro not being a part of his life is hard to imagine, the closest they’ve ever gotten was when Kojiro went to culinary school. Even then, he still regularly called and texted him, even though they both were begrudged to admit that they were friends. 

Idiot, Kaoru calls him. Asshole, Kojiro calls him back. 

It was unconventional, for sure. Most people barely understand their friendship, if they know they’re friends at all, with quite a few wondering why they didn’t cut each other out once they had the chance. Neither had ever really had a proper answer. By most standards, they don’t get along. They bicker every time they’re together, they mutually like giving the other shit and they have conflicting personalities that clash so hard that they have very little in common. There are many occasions where they pretend they don’t know each other. They really should not be friends, let alone bestfriends.

Except, that is the only word that describes them. Because as much as Kaoru is loathed to admit it, Kojiro is special in a way many people aren’t. He’s the only one who has stayed by his side, the only one who knows him better than he knows himself, and the only one he feels comfortable saying everything to, no matter how difficult it is to say. Kojiro knew Kaoru, not Cherry Blossom. 

And Kaoru knows Kojiro too, they have no secrets left to keep from each other.

They had no need for words. Their weird little relationship worked for them, so there was no reason to ever try and change it. 

  
  


It was another late night and Kaoru knew the moment he stepped into Kojiro’s restaurant, that he was tense. The loss against Adam had stung more than his pride and head, so he could feel the angry tension in his chest. He probably shouldn’t have come, the risk of him snapping unnecessarily was too high, but this was their routine so he went in anyway. 

Kojiro was there like always, his hands wiping down a bottle of wine while he idly hummed some random tune from the radio. His eyes glanced up, his usual relaxed smirk on his face as he gestured to the seat in front of him with an exaggerated flair.

“Let me guess, you want me to cook for you? I swear, I don’t think you actually know how to cook for yourself.” he said, an annoyed tilt in his voice but his eyes sparkled with amusement. 

“Shut up, you oaf. I know how, I’m just too busy to.” Kaoru replied back, easily slipping into their usual banter and snappy attitude, “Besides, your food isn’t that good, it’s just more easily available.” Of course that’s a lie, convenience stores exist. And also, you know, his own kitchen.

Kojiro gasped in offense, playing along, brows furrowing as he replied, “Screw you, my food is best shit ever, asshole! Here, I’ll prove it! I’ve got a new recipe and I think it’s going to blow your fucking stupid yukata off!” and he stormed into the kitchen. Kaoru is often the taste-tester of the new menu items, though they’ve never officially said it.

The rest night seemed to be going like most nights, with the tense coil in Kaoru’s chest slowly unwinding as he bickered with Kojiro about dumb stuff over food. But eventually, his face grew serious as he remembered why he bothered to come, besides routine.

“Joe.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to challenge Adam to another beef.”

The room suddenly got deathly silent, the air already starting to tense up. Kojiro’s face slackened a little bit, expression changing to disbelief and his eyes searching Kaoru’s face before his face hardened, “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, idiot. I wouldn’t say something like that lightly.” Kaoru snapped back, the atmosphere already starting to grip onto him and slipping poison in his tone. 

“Are you stupid or something?”

“No!”

“Then why are you going to challenge him to another race? He tried to kill you!”

“I haven’t managed to beat some sense into him yet and I must!”

Kojiro lets out a frustrated noise as he stands up, a hand on his face as he paced. After a moment, he looked to Kaoru with stern eyes, “He tried to _kill_ you, Kaoru. I’m pretty sure it’s too late to beat some sense into him, if there is any left. I’m sorry man, I don’t like telling people what to do, especially you, but fucking hell! I really think you need to give up on him, there’s no helping him now!”

Kaoru isn’t sure what possesses him to shout, “ _Well, I actually make an effort for other people and I don’t give up on them, unlike you!_ ”

He immediately regretted his words when he saw something in Kojiro’s face snap in a way he’s never seen before and it sends chills down his back. He watches his friend stop pacing, lowering his head while his green hair falls in his face. For another moment, they were both silent. Then Kojiro’s shoulders start to shake.

Then he starts to laugh.

It’s horrifying, really. Kojiro’s laugh is usually deep and warm but this. This was not. It felt wet, guttural, almost hysterical, like it was mixed with sobbing and screaming. It was cold, biting into his skin and sinking into his being. Kaoru could the welling up of Kojiro’s eyes and he felt the pit in his stomach grow deeper. 

Truth be told, he’s never seen Kojiro cry, ever in his life. Not even when they were young. He always seemed too sturdy for that. He was the type of kid to fall on his face and just get right back up, smile still as wide as ever. When angry, he’d throw words of anger but he always kept his composure strong. When sad, he’d just sit in silence, staring out into space like it had all the answers and was refusing to give them up.

Kojiro has never been like this, Kaoru was sure of it. 

After several long moments, the laughter finally started to trickle out, Kojiro’s face finally returning to normal. But then, he looks to Kaoru, staring right into his soul.

“ _Fuck_ you, Kaoru.”

The words were laced with venom, his voice deep as he turned to look at him directly. Kaoru could see his fist starting to shake and for a moment, thought the other man was about to deck him. But instead, the man just rested his fist on a table, red eyes finally releasing his soul and moving to the window.

“Kojiro—”

“No, shut up.” he bit back, teeth gritted as he started to shake again before forcibly relaxing. He gulped audibly, voice trembling slightly as he spoke, “You don’t get to tell me that I haven’t fucking made an effort for people. You have no fucking clue what I’ve done.”

“Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about—!”

“Kaoru.” He stops, eyes meeting back to Kojiro’s and he silently shivers at the almost lifeless look in his eyes and the sad smile on his face. The chef’s finger taps against the table, “Did you ever wonder why I would go to a top culinary school and then just open up a small Italian restaurant in the middle of Oikinawa? Also, that I happen to open up very close to where you work? Not dissing small restaurant owners, I mean I am one, and I’m no master or anything but I could shoot for higher, if I wanted. I could’ve gone anywhere in Japan, heck, I got offers from all around the world. And I said no to all of them. “

He taps again. 

“I watched Adam spiral out of control and you know we tried our fucking best for him. However, here's the truth, I never believed he would be able to change. Whatever is wrong with him, it’s something deeply embedded into his soul and neither of us were or are qualified to help him. It’s not our job to fix him. But I still went along with all of it because you were the one asking. I trusted you.”

He taps again.

“I watched you obsess over the idea of saving Adam and holding onto the belief that he could come back to you even after he went over the deep end. Even though I wanted to argue so badly, I didn’t because it wasn’t my place. You were in love with him and you were chasing him,” Kaoru opens his mouth to argue but Kojiro’s gaze silences him, “Don’t lie to me, I saw the way you looked at him every time he was around. It was like the room disappeared and it was just you two.” Kojiro’s voice hitches, “And I just stood by because I didn’t want to ruin anything for you. Even though I really wanted to.”

He taps. His voice is getting rougher, more raw as his voice cracks and hitches.

“I was the one who always had to contact you first back when I was in culinary school. Only when it was my birthday, would you message me first.”

He taps.

“I let you come in after restaurant hours and make you a meal practically every night. I don’t stay here because there’s still work to do, Kaoru. I had my work completely done over an hour ago. I could’ve gone home.”

He taps. “I put you back together when everything went to shit. Even though...fuck. I don’t think I even have myself properly together yet.”

He taps.

“I watched you choose other people over me and I never even batted an eye.”

Finally, Kojiro stops, his eyes wet as he shakily tries to compose himself again. Kaoru wants to go to him, to maybe hold him or something but he forces himself to stay down. He’s too embarrassed to do that. 

“Kaoru, do you know why I did all of those things?” Kojiro asks quietly.

“I…” At a loss for words, he finds himself fumbling, he never fumbles , but this feels important. “I…” The answer has to be somewhere, “I…” He needs to say the right thing, he’s sure of it, “I… I don’t know.”

Kojiro seems to visibly deflate and he smiles ruefully, “You know, for someone so smart, you can be so fucking stupid. I’m getting really tired of trying.” He mutters to himself, “I don’t know why I keep chasing after something that is never going to happen. I thought I moved on, I really did. But I can’t keep waiting.”

Kaoru knows he said the wrong thing, or at least it feels like he did. 

“...Kojiro, I-I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry for yelling so much.” Kojiro walks away from him, moving to the wall and leaning against it, fists clenched, “I’m sorry I’m not everything you want and I’m who you’re left with. I’m sorry I’m not some perfect, proper prince guy that you want.” His voice drops low, “I’m sorry I’m not _Adam._ ”

That strikes something into Kaoru, something unnamed but wholly terrifying. He moves to get up, his mind not fully wrapping around Kojiro’s outburst but he speaks again.

“We’re going to forget this ever happened. By tomorrow, everything will be back to normal, I promise. But…I need you to get the _fuck_ out of my restaurant.”

Kaoru wouldn’t call what he sees as rage. Kojiro’s posture is relaxed, just leaning on the wall and tapping his foot to the radio that is still playing in the background. His face is carefully neutral, with the slightest hint of a smile. His eyes are closed, though there are tear tracks running down his cheeks. The only thing angry is the tone of his voice and it compels Kaoru to run away from Kojiro for the first time. 

Maybe he didn’t know Kojiro as well as he thought. And that hurts. 

  
  


Kaoru doesn’t go back the next day, with the feeling that he isn’t allowed to. Despite having slept on it, he still doesn’t fully understand. It’s like the answer is at the tip of his tongue or is standing just beyond his reach. But it doesn’t come and he finds himself floundering in the wake.

No matter what Kojiro said, the argument was not going to be forgotten because it has shifted everything Kaoru knew about his friend.

Kojiro knew him better than anyone else. Apparently, he wasn’t the same for Kojiro.

And that scared him. 

When ‘S’ comes around again, Cherry walks in alone. Typically, Joe would catch up with him, but today, he was nowhere to be found. It was unnerving, not having the bickering as he skated. He glanced around him and noticed that people were muttering to each other, staring at their phones. Seems like something big was happening. 

As he reached the centre, a crowd was gathered and he overheard, “Joe is challenging Adam to a beef!”

Cherry feels something cold down his spine and he quickly shoves his way through the crowd, finally catching a glimpse of stupid green hair and his relaxed smile.

“So, you in? Come on, it’ll be fun, for old times ‘sake.” Joe mused, his tone almost mocking. 

Adam never came in unless he had a reason and it certainly wasn’t for Joe. The man simply replied, “I wasn’t interested in skating against Cherry, and you, Joe, are even more boring. Thus, I am afraid I have to refuse. Now Snow on the other hand—”

“Shut the fuck up about Snow. He’s a goddamn child, sicko.” Joe snaps.

The crowd goes silent as Adam finally turns to look at him with interest and irritation, “You always have been a mouthy one.”

“And you’ve always been creepy.”

“What happened to our friendship, Joe? If I recall, you and I were such good friends.”

“Those days are long gone, Adam. Now, I want a beef, right here, right now.”

Adam stares at Joe like a predator eyeing his prey before finally waving his hand, “Alright, fine. I suppose I can’t allow such slander against me go unpunished.”

Cherry felt a rush of panic as they started setting up the race, remembering the pain of being hit at full force and he ran to Joe, who was calmly getting ready. The man catches sight of him and for a moment, the sad look was in his eyes before suddenly disappearing.

“What the fuck are you thinking, idiot?!”

“I got this.”

“You told me not to challenge him and now you are! You’re such a hypocrite.”

His friend gave him a cocky smile, completely unphased, “I said I got it.”

“I couldn’t beat him, why do you think you could?!”

Joe pouted, “Uh, excuse me, I’m just as good as you. Actually, I’m better.”

“Joe!”

“Relax, I got this. I have a plan.”

Joe never has a fucking plan and Cherry isn’t going to suddenly believe he does now, “Oh, really? What kind of plan is that, you gorilla musclehead?”

He grew more infuriated as the other man simply shrugged, “A good one.”

Cherry didn’t get another chance to yell because the race was about the start. His friend just gave him a wink and walked to the starting line. After a moment, he realised that was the first time they’ve spoken in several days. Joe had kept his promise, nothing was different. That thought didn’t make him feel any better though.

Adam and Joe lined up, the latter seemingly bored while the former had a determined expression. 

“Ready to go when you are, Adam.”

“Of course I’m ready.”

The lights started counting down, the atmosphere tensing up as the crowd cheered loudly for the two skaters. Bets were already being made and Cherry couldn’t keep his eyes off the two of them.

Then, the lights turned green.

In a split second, Joe stood up from his skateboard position, kicking his board into his hands before quickly smashing it straight into Adam’s gut before the other had even gotten onto his board. 

Adam let out a long heave before falling to the ground, coughing and curling in on himself. 

Joe, unfazed, remarked, “Oh look, I won.”

The crowd was stunned, including Cherry.

Enraged, Adam choked out, “You most certainly did not!”

“Oh no? I recall this is how you won your beef with Cherry Blossom. Based on the rules you set, I won.”

And then the man just started skating away, whistling a happy little tune that made a disbelieving giggle bubble in Cherry’s throat.

What a fucking idiot.

Something shifted, ever so slightly and he couldn’t tell if it was him, Kojiro or the world. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru has never liked being wrong. Perhaps it’s because of his stubbornness or maybe his need to feel better than everyone else (at least according to Kojiro), but he hates the idea of being wrong more than the consequences of being wrong. He had been a smart kid, being a kid who learned things quickly and had a curiosity about how the world worked. School was hardly a struggle and he was able to easily meet expectations for those around him. 

Then high school started and suddenly the ‘gifted’ kid identity started to mean less and less. The expectations just kept getting higher and his ability to keep started to slow down. Answers became less obvious and sometimes, there weren't any at all. Everything was becoming more and more complex. Suddenly, the fear of failure was becoming all too obvious and all too real.

So, he likes simple things.

Skateboarding is simple, in a sense. It’s all just momentum and guts, when you think about it. Use the right footwork and you have a high chance of succeeding. It’s angles and numbers, calculatetable, if you take the time to do it.

Technology is simple too, at least to him. Most people see code and balk at the sheer amount of overwhelming information, but he just sees clear purposes. Everything has a place and everything will work as intended as long as things are where they should be. Press a button and it runs, no random variables to throw it all off. It fits cleanly into each other.

Kojiro.

Kojiro  _ was _ simple. It didn’t take much to make him happy. As a child, just a bag of candy or a dollar store toy was enough to make the boy smile like it was his birthday. When he got older, it became skateboarding. If Kojiro was angry, Kaoru could just take him to skateboard or bring him to a local restaurant and the big guy would perk back up. Even when Kojiro was sad (Kaoru was never good at feelings and sad feelings even harder to understand than most), he would get better just from Kaoru sitting with him, in silence or otherwise. Kojiro wasn’t someone who was hard to understand. 

He _ wasn’t _ .

But maybe Kaoru had been wrong about Kojiro being simple. Maybe he’d been wrong the entire time. Maybe Kojiro was nothing like he thought he was. Or at least, he’s not the same anymore and he never even noticed. 

He hates being wrong.

Something shifts again. 

  
  


Over a week after the argument and a few days after the Adam Gut Punch (as it is being called now), Kaoru finds himself alone with Carla, in his little studio. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything. He had never seen Kojiro that upset in his life and he felt like whatever came out that night was something that had been building up for a long time. How could he have missed it? How long had it been there? What else was he missing?

Who even was Kojiro, really? Because it’s starting to feel like he never actually knew him at all. 

Kaoru stared at the ceiling, and mentally started to list who Kojiro is, at least to him. Kojiro has always been everything Kaoru wasn’t.

_ Kojiro is brutish and brash. _

_ Kojiro is impatient. _

_ Kojiro is confident. _

_ Kojiro is honest. _

_ Kojiro likes pretty girls. _

Of course, the man is more complicated than just a few lines, but if someone were to ask him what Kojiro is like, he’d probably use these words. At least, he would’ve but now, he felt more unsure.

He wondered how Kojiro would describe him. 

  
  


Kaoru finds that his mind and eyes wander more now. Focus usually comes easy to him and yet now, he struggles to even pay proper attention to skateboarding. If he isn’t lost in thought, then his eyes will stray to a certain musclehead. It was becoming infuriating, how often he looked. Kojiro has a gravitational pull and Kaoru can’t help but get swept up in it.

They haven’t properly spoken in a while, making something itch under Cherry’s skin as he skates to ‘S’ again. He’s never had to be without Joe and he couldn’t tell if the man was avoiding him or he was avoiding the man. Probably both.

‘S’ was packed as ever, with crowds of people running around to do more skate tricks or to watch others show off their talents. 

Cherry sighs, it used to be so small and so...personal.

As he got onto his board, he noticed from the corner of his eye, a small head ducking through the crowds. He frowns. They had a strict rule against young children at ‘S’ and if his hunch was right, then he should probably go deal with the kid right now. Cherry prepares to go berate the kid when Joe beats him to it.

“Hey there, kid.” he says casually, face friendly as the kid jumped at his voice.

“Ah! Y-You’re Joe!”

“That’s right, and you are?”

“T-Takahiro, sir!”

Joe startles and laughs when the boy bows, waving his hands, “Hey now, no need for that! I’m just another skater.” He goes on one knee, meeting Takahiro’s gaze as his voice softens, “Now, Takahiro, can I ask what you’re doing here at a place like this?”

Takahiro bristles a bit, “S-Same as everyone else!”

“Yeah, but you barely look like you’re older than twelve. ‘S’ has a pretty strict rule, no one under thirteen can come in and you look to be only ten.” Joe hummed, shrugging his shoulder towards the crowds, “Let me guess, you snuck in with the crowd, didn’t you?”

The boy nervously laughs, “That’s not true—”

“Takahiro.” Joe interrupts, “I appreciate your attempt, but your lies are terrible. Seriously, ‘S’ is no place for young kids. I get it, you want to prove yourself but give it a few more years, yeah?”

The man barely even scolded him but Takahiro conceded quickly, “Okay…”

Joe stands up again, holding out his hand as he asked, “Come on, I’ll take you out of ‘S’ and call you a cab home, okay? I’ll even throw in a shoulder ride.”

“Okay…” The boy gleefully laughed as Joe swung him up onto his shoulder effortlessly and he sheepishly asked, “You’re not going to tell my parents, are you?”

“Nah. It’ll be our little secret.”

Cherry watched Joe tap the boy’s nose, making the kid smile as they walked towards the exit. It was so...gentle and soft. Cherry probably would’ve chewed the kid out but clearly, Joe was gentler than he was. 

It warmed his heart a little

~~_ Kojiro is brutish and brash. _ ~~

  
  


He doesn’t know why these kids have decided to cling onto him and Joe or why they keep going along with it, but somehow Cherry finds himself watching Reki, Langa and Miya ask Joe a billion questions about skateboarding. In particular, a trick that Joe recently learned how to do. (Ten bucks it’s from some random Youtube video) Of course, the man showed it off and soon had Langa and Reki begging him to teach them, with Miya joining in for the chaos.

Which leads them to now, in which Joe is trying to teach them. It’s something that has a lot really complex footwork and the need for precise balance, which is not usually Joe’s style. The muscles are certainly nice (Cherry would never admit it, but sometimes he envies them a little bit.) and they do help with a lot of skateboard tricks, but it does mean that he isn’t the most flexible person. Yet somehow, he’s managed to do this and Cherry was impressed. Not that he would tell him that.

Joe had already been teaching the little group for a while now, with Miya getting the trick almost immediately after the man explained. The kid was already riding around, showing off how well he got the trick. Langa was also doing it too, since he’s a bit of a prodigy. Cherry still has no idea how or why the kid is so good in such a short amount of time, but he respects him for it.

Reki, on the other hand, was still struggling to get the trick right. Cherry feels for the poor kid. Reki was a good skateboarder, especially for his age, but he’s always standing next to skateboarding prodigies and he looks worse in comparison. It was becoming clear that Reki, for all of his optimism, was starting to get frustrated and embarrassed at his repeated failed attempts.

Cherry gets it. He’s more patient nowadays but when he was younger, he hated being the last one to get something. In school, especially in subjects he didn’t like, he would struggle to keep up with everyone else around him. They’d all go so fast and even though no one said anything, it always felt like they were judging and making fun of him. He’d give himself imaginary deadlines or a limited amount of attempts he was allowed to do and if he couldn’t get it in time, he’d give up altogether. (It was mostly in home ec and foreign language classes. Kojiro was always better than him and somehow convinced Kaoru to take Italian together. Kojiro excelled. Kaoru stayed for 2 weeks before dropping it.) Kojiro was the same. Such is youth. Kaoru’s better now. 

Langa is trying to cheer Reki up, encouraging him to keep going. It seemed like his words were slightly easing the tension in his shoulders but his downtrodden expression remained. Cherry considered going over there, though he knows he isn’t the most encouraging person, but Joe beat him to it.

He rests his hand on the boy’s shoulder, his face softening as he said, “Hey, let’s try that one more time. Here, I’ll hold onto you so you don’t lose your balance. You just focus on getting yourself in the right position.”

Reki grimaced a bit but let Joe rest his hand on his back while he got into position, “Like this?”

“Almost, just lean back a bit more, push your foot out and try not to shake as much. Guts, remember?”

“Right, guts!”

Cherry quickly checked the time. They’ve been at it for a while now and even though Joe seemed to have the energy of a rabbit, he could see the exhaustion in his shoulders and arms. Everyone has their limits and he was waiting for Joe to finally say that it’s time to go. But he wasn’t and he seemed determined to help Reki get the trick while remaining so patient. It was weird to see, Cherry didn't know how good he was with kids or was so patient with them. Or in this case, teenagers, which is arguably even more impressive. 

Kaoru has very little experience with kids, being an only kid. He doesn’t have nieces or nephews to dot on and most of his relatives are the same as him. He has no friends that are married, let alone have a kid. (If he were to be honest, he doesn’t really have many friends, period. Kojiro is the only real friend he keeps in consistent contact with) 

Kojiro is much the same, being the middle child of three. They are all similar in age as well, with his older sister only being two years older and his little brother being one year younger. In all honesty, both of them find babies very...weird to be around.

There is exactly one time where either of them had to take care of a child and to this day, Kaoru has no idea why anyone thought it was a good idea for him and Kojiro to care for a baby. They were both very young, barely eleven when the two of them were visiting one of their mutual friends. That friend had a baby sister and the parents needed to head out for five minutes, trusting the three boys to watch her. Kojiro was almost frightened, watching the baby crawl around with wide eyes and was backed against the couch. Kaoru laughed at him, teasing mercilessly until the baby puked on his shoes. Then, Kojiro was the one laughing until his stomach hurt. 

Seeing him now, it was so different from the kid who feared a baby. Now, Kojiro talked to the kids naturally and somehow knew how to balance keeping their pride intact while guiding them with patience. Kaoru still sometimes felt out of his depth when talking to the young skaters. 

Cherry heard a cheer and he looked up to see Reki finally pull off the trick on his own, with Joe clapping as he watched.

“Joe! Joe, look, I’m doing it!”

“I’m looking, I’m looking! See, I knew you would get it!”

The boy grinned, hopping off his board and running to the man, “Yeah, thank you Joe!”

Joe shrugged, “No problem. Like I said, it’s not about when you get it, it’s about getting it eventually. Now, go home, you’ve got people waiting for you.”

Reki turned around, seeing Langa and Miya waiting for him, “Oh, okay! Bye Joe!”

As he ran off, Kaoru watched as Kojiro’s shoulders finally relaxed and he yawned, stretching himself out as he flipped his board into his arms. It really was late, the night starting to creep in. Kojiro probably has other things that need to be done today. Kaoru watches his back as he leaves, wondering why he didn’t ask to leave earlier. 

Little things slot into place. 

~~_ Kojiro is impatient.  _ ~~

  
  


It was starting to get concerning how often he and Kojiro get dragged into the Kids weird shenanigans. (He has no idea what to call the young skaters that keep hanging around them, so the Kids will have to do) At first, all their adventures were skateboarding related but slowly over time, the Kids started showing up just to hang out. In their latest scheme, they said they needed them for an experiment, though Hiromi was busy with work and couldn’t come. When it was first proposed, the Kids wanted to conduct the test at Reki’s house, but neither Kaoru nor Kojiro felt comfortable at the idea of going to a teenage boy’s house as grown men. So, they decided to go to Kojiro’s restaurant instead, though the man looked a little disgruntled at the idea. 

When the kids arrive, they carry large bags of stuff and plonk them down on the floor with a thud. It’s alarming, the glint on their eyes as they pull Cherry and Joe to some chairs, sitting them down. 

“Okay, you’ve all been very creepy about this whole thing, what the hell are you guys planning?” Joe asked, leaning against the chair with an unimpressed look.

The Kids looked at each in an unnerving unison, matching smirks on their faces before Langa reached into one of the bags and pulled out a...western suit. It was a nice suit, for sure, but it wasn’t really in line with either Cherry’s or Joe’s style. 

Cherry wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but not this. 

“I see you have a suit.” Cherry says plainly, though he glances at Reki, expecting his stare will make the boy crack.

Reki does very quickly, “Okay, so we noticed that both of you have a lot of fans and that a lot of those fans like you specifically cause both of you are...well, you guys are…”

“Hot, the word is hot, Reki.” Miya finished, stepping forward, “Look guys, we were talking about your fans and the question came up on who we would be fans of. You know, if we didn’t already know that both of you are lame.”

“Hey!”

Miya ignored their protests, “I said I would be Cherry’s. Reki said he would be Joe’s. We needed Langa to be the tie breaker but he insisted that you two have such different styles and appeals that it is impossible to compare. So we made a game of it. A competition with various rounds, we’ll be judges, you both will wear various different outfits of the style, we judge who looks better. Simple.”

Joe and Cherry glanced at each other for a second before Joe said, “So, you want to do a competition on which of us is more attractive?”

Langa nodded, “Yeah. It’ll help me make a decision and break the tie.”

Joe paused, “Uh, you could’ve just said you wanted to play dress up.”

“This is foolish.” Cherry mutters.

The man next to him immediately pounces, “Oh, you’re just scared that I'd beat you in every round.”

And, because he too is predictable, retorted, “I could beat you at anything, you oversized buffoon.”

“Bring it, dick!”

Cherry knew this was stupid, but he took the bait of competition and was basically going to play dress up. So, he found himself being shoved in western suits, traditional Japanese yukatas (it was odd seeing Kojiro in a proper yukata, though not too weird, with the chest being wide open), pyjamas, cowboy costumes, streetwear (Kaoru refused to be shirtless like Kojiro, but he allowed a sleeveless tank), police costumes and so on.

It was actually becoming kind of exhausting being shoved into random clothes, but he couldn’t find it in him to protest. The Kids looked like they were having and who was he to ruin youth? Besides, it was equally entertaining watching Joe get shoved around too.

Eventually, the new theme was feminine clothes. Langa was helping Cherry get into a dress while Miya was trying to do his make-up. This didn’t really bother him much. He’s had quite a few times where people assume that he is a woman and it’s never really bothered him. At first glance, he supposes it’s understandable, with his long hair and not particularly broad body. But it doesn’t really make him less of a man, so he doesn’t really care what others see him as. So when he looks himself in the mirror and sees himself in an outfit not unlike Jessica Rabbit, he doesn’t bat an eye.

He steps out, standing in the middle of the floor while waiting for Joe to come out. But then, he didn’t. After a while, he started to get worried. Langa ran over to the door, knocking.

“Reki, Joe, you both okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine! Just having a bit of trouble getting the top on Joe!”

“Okay, just let us know when you’re ready.”

Cherry leans against a table. It makes sense, Joe has incredibly broad shoulders and they make it hard to find just normal shirts. 

“I think we got it!” Reki called before clapping a drumroll, “Presenting, Joe!”

The door swings open and Cherry suddenly coughs, not even really sure as to what he’s looking at. Joe steps out in a sort of gown, dressed like he’s going to a ball to find his prince charming. The clicks as he walks indicate heels and his face is made up with pink lipstick, lashes, the whole nine yards. It was...odd. But what made it unnerving was Joe’s face and posture. His shoulders were curled in on themselves, his back hunched slightly as he walked towards the centre of the room. His hands rubbed nervously at his arms, eyes glancing back and forth like he fears someone will see. Red blush adorned his face as he stared to the side, embarrassed. He didn’t look like himself.

Even when they wore stupid stuff like the clown costumes, Joe still wore them like they were the most stylish things in the world, strutting around his own restaurant like it’s a runway with the confidence of a king. The man is shirtless most of the time and yet wearing a dress causes him to be...self-conscious. 

Cherry didn’t even know the man  _ could _ get self-conscious. 

The Kids didn’t seem to notice, too busy getting excited about them. They were debating about who looked the best and Cherry glanced over to Joe, who was now hopping from one leg to another anxiously.

“You probably shouldn’t do that.” He said, catching his attention.

“Huh?”

“You’re wearing heels, aren’t you? You shouldn’t bounce in them, you might fall and snap your ankle.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

Cherry frowns, looking at him up and down, “Right.” There’s an uncomfortable pause, before he said, “You look kind of okay, but I’m definitely going to beat you.”

Joe huffs out a small laugh, the furrow of his brow disappearing as he smirked back, “You wish, ass. I’ll be taking that crown, you’re gonna have to settle for second.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

He laughs again and Cherry feels something uncoil in his gut. He doesn’t like seeing Kojiro like that. In the end, it’s a tie and even though it’s a cop out answer, they accept it and move on. Kaoru can’t help but wonder if the dresses will ever make a reappearance. 

~~_ Kojiro is confident. _ ~~

  
  


Kaoru is in his restaurant, coming in at his usual time, with Kojiro welcoming him with his usual insults and snarky remarks. They still followed the usual beats, the teasing, the food, the fighting. But it’s stilted, uncomfortable, offbeat. It’s been weird being alone with Kojiro again, but since they insisted everything would stay the same, they keep pretending. 

He’s been watching Kojiro all night, something he didn’t used to do as much. Did he always have the exhausted tension in his shoulders? His hair was messier than usual, parts sticking to his forehead with sweat and there were bags under his eyes. Kaoru wondered how much he was sleeping. 

Kojiro opens the restaurant at around six in the morning, but he comes in at five to prep stuff first. The place stays open all the way until eleven at night, in which he stays for another hour to clean everything up. Then, he stays for Kaoru, adding at least another hour or two before he goes home. So that means, on average, he gets about three hours a night, if he’s not going to ‘S’. 

Three hours.

That’s not nearly enough. 

Kaoru wonders how he never noticed how tired his friend was and the sinking feeling of guilt at the thought that he was partially at fault consumes his chest. 

“Hey.”

Kojiro looks up at his voice and his eyebags suddenly are that much more obvious, “What?”

“You should go home and sleep.”

He frowned at that, cleaning a cup that had long been washed, “I’m fine.”

“I’m serious, idiot. You should go sleep.”

“I told you, I’m  _ fine _ .” Kojiro stressed, putting down the cup and moving to a plate was already clean, “I’ll go home soon, I promise.”

Kaoru stared at him for a long time, “Alright, fine.”

Kojiro seemed satisfied, turning back to his plate and setting it down. He reached over for Kaoru’s now empty dish and started to clean that too. 

Kaoru wondered what the other white lies Kojiro has told him over the years. Were there any big lies he’s told? What else has he missed?

~~_ Kojiro is honest. _ ~~

  
  


He doesn’t know why he can’t stop himself, but Kaoru visits Kojiro’s restaurant, late at night again. The guilt of keeping his friend from going home was still present in his gut, but his desire to see him anyway outweighed it. 

When he goes into the restaurant, he sees Kojiro washing a large pile of actually dirty dishes, his face haggard in a way he hasn’t seen in a very long time. At the sound of the bell, Kojiro looked up, blinking slowly like he’s processing his presence. After a moment, he finally does a little wave before going back to the dishes.

Kaoru is confused but he starts walking towards the front bar almost cautiously. As he sits down, he looks around and notices that there is a chair in the corner that has missing legs and a crack in the middle of the seat.

“Joe—”

“Birthday, Brawl, Baby.”

“What?”

Kojiro sighed deeply, his hand rubbing at his face, “Someone was having a birthday day dinner with their entire family. Of fucking thirteen people. They also came really late and asked for the most expensive champagne we have. Then they all got wasted, started a brawl, threw a chair and then the baby puked on the floor. We had to call the police and I had to write a report for them. Also,” he points at a stain on his shirt, “I got food thrown at me and no one bothered to tip. Sometimes I wonder why I decided to go into the fucking service industry. Anyway, do you need me to make you something again?”

Kaoru watched the man rant before shaking his head, “I’m fine.” Kojiro nodded before going back to his dishes, grumbling to himself, “I can help you with the dishes.”

He blinks, looking at Kaoru, “What?”

Kaoru scoffs, “Look, don’t question kindness when it happens to you. Just go with it or I’ll take it back.”

“Hey, by all means, help me out.”

Kaoru moved behind the counter, pulling out his phone to turn on a movie for them to watch while they work. Kojiro works better when he’s multi-tasking anyway. The man can hardly still be on a good day, his leg always bouncing or fingers tapping against the table. When watching films, he’s always fiddling with something or working. He’s never fully paying attention to films, unless it has a large amount of action. Kaoru has tried to make Kojiro watch slower films without fiddling with something else but it never works out. He’s the opposite, always able to lose himself in the film and forgetting the world around him. 

They’re watching an American film that recently got dubbed over in Japanese, but Kaoru can’t find it in himself to get fully engrossed. Instead, he’s looking at Kojiro, whose eyes are flickering back and forth from the film to the plates that he’s washing while Kaoru dries. The silence that settled around them is not exactly comfortable, but it’s amicable enough. He doesn’t seem to notice that he's staring at him.

Around twenty minutes into the movie, a new side character, some tech guy, was introduced and Kaoru quietly noted that the actor was...easy on the eyes. Glancing over to Kojiro, he noticed how the man seemed to stop cleaning for several seconds longer, eyes on the screen before going back to the plate. That gave him pause but he brushed it off as nothing.

Then it kept happening.

Every time the character showed up on screen, Kojiro would stop what he was doing to stare. After the first few times, Kaoru studied his eyes and noticed that they dilated whenever he showed up and it made him wonder.

He’s never seen Kojiro with a man before, but he’s always just assumed that the guy was straight as a board. However, if he thinks about it, neither of them have ever talked about that kind of thing. It was sort of an unspoken agreement. Neither really bring up their romantic lives, though Kaoru knows that Kojiro has been up to some stuff based on the hickies he’s seen the guy sport over the years. But now he’s questioning if all of them were from women. It’s not like Kaoru is straight either but he’s pretty sure Kojiro already knows that. 

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Is there something you haven’t told me?”

Kojiro flinches in surprise, fumbling with the plate and he hurried to catch it. He sputtered, his expression incredulous as he replied, “W-Why are you asking?”

“I think you’re keeping something from me, but I can’t be sure.”

The other man nervously chewed on his bottom lip, “Okay, what is it?”

“Are you attracted to men?”

He was silent for a second, before making a wheezing sound and he breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, men. You mean men. Uh, yeah?”

Kaoru hummed, nodding slowly before replying, “I thought so.You were staring rather obviously.”

“Hey!”

~~_ Kojiro likes pretty girls.  _ ~~

  
  


Kaoru finds himself thinking about the argument alone in his apartment. He was right, about all of it. He sighs, he thinks maybe he never did know him properly and it’s his own fault. Too busy to see what was right in front of him.

Maybe he’s a bad friend. 

That hurts. That really does. 

Because he knows that Kojiro deserves better. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to get this done before episode 10 drops cause i feel like it'll prove all of my headcanons wrong

Kaoru remembers when he met Kojiro, though most of it is covered in the hazy glow of youth. He doesn’t remember what Kojiro had said to him, only vaguely, but he remembers how the room felt when he did meet him. 

It was in fourth grade, when he still had the shitty bowl-cut because he hadn’t developed an opinion on his appearance yet. The room smelt of glue and paint, the windows slightly open with a cool breeze brushing against his little arms. The class was just getting cleaned up after an art period, the kids all running around to sort the paint the fastest. Kaoru had been taking his time, wanting to make sure he was doing the best job, not really caring about speed. It was very loud but the teacher quickly shushed them. Said something about another class coming in and that they were going to be partnered up with them. What that activity was, he doesn’t remember.

He does remember the moment he took notice of the boy, a shock of green in the crowd and the way he almost seemed to vibrate on the spot, just barely concealing his energy.

Kojiro had so much energy when they were young. 

Their eyes met and he noted that his eyes looked almost red. Then, he looked back to the teachers as they explained the activity. And like fate, he was paired with Kojiro. The boy had run up to his desk, a friendly grin on his face as he introduced himself. Again, most of what was said has been lost to time, but Kaoru does remember being called ‘partner’ and it made something warm bloom in his chest. His reply was stilted and shy, but something was forged when they were deemed partners. 

Kaoru was a shy kid, so when Kojiro went back to his own class, he thought he’d never see him again. But the boy kept coming back. To this day, he doesn’t know why. He was hardly sociable and probably wasn’t the most fun to be around for someone like Kojiro, often being the kid who would just sit around and read books silently.

But Kojiro stuck around.

He would sit with him while Kaoru read under the large tree in the field at recess, looking over his shoulder the whole time. Sometimes, he would ask questions and even though it kept interrupting his concentration, Kaoru answered all of his questions anyway. The other boy seemed to like the answers he gave and Kaoru found himself opening up. Eventually, it led to him being introduced to all of Kojiro’s other friends, because of course he had a lot, and he was brought out of his shell more. 

They didn’t keep in contact with those friends when they moved onto different schools but somehow and for some reason (maybe fate again), Kojiro came along with him. 

  
  


Kaoru was in middle school when he first got his glasses. It wasn’t really surprising, he had a habit of staying up late reading in the dark and in the car. Kojiro was with him when he got the recommendation from his teacher to get glasses and he laughed at him like the little jerk he was. Still, the boy insisted on coming with him to get the frames and even though he still made fun of him, it felt nice to know someone was there with him. They were always stuck together, a package deal.

Of course, Kojiro had other friends but Kaoru always felt secure in the idea that he was the most important one. And he liked that feeling, being someone else’s most important person. He’d never admit it, but Kojiro was his most important person.

But then he and Kojiro’s friends got into a fight. He doesn’t remember what it was about, just that they told Kojiro that they wouldn’t be friends with him if he was still friends with Kaoru. They were in the field at recess, standing by the wall and Kaoru was stricken. It was all some dumb middle school bullshit but it mattered a lot at the time. And he got scared. Really scared. Those other guys were infinitely more fun than he was, they liked sports, were cheerful and loud and it was only a matter of time before Kojiro would figure that out too. 

He looked back at Kojiro and felt something sink in his chest when, for just a moment, the boy seemed to hesitate. That’s all he needed before he whipped his leg out, kicking his friend in the shins before running away angrily. 

Fine, he thought, I don’t need him. I’m perfectly happy being alone. 

He only lasted a few minutes before he started to cry. It was wet and gross, his glasses fogging up as he tried to control himself. It would be a few more years before he learned to do that. He heaved as he threw a nearby rock into a bush, taking immense pleasure in the way the leaves rustled. Quietly, he regretted leaving his book in the classroom cause now he was stuck in the little corner of the field, hiding and he didn’t want to come out in case someone found him. That someone being Kojiro.

So he stayed seated in his hiding spot, planning on waiting until recess was over. 

“Kaoru! Kaoru, where are you?”

He froze, curling in on himself. In hindsight, he was probably just hiding behind a tree, so it’s no wonder why Kojiro found him so fast. 

“Kaoru!” the other boy exclaimed, running over with a huff, “You left me!”

He immaturely looked away and pouted, glaring at the ground, “What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I came to get you!”

“Don’t you want to be your _other friends_? The better ones?” he grumbled bitterly.

Kojiro looked so affronted, flopping himself down on the ground next to him with a thunk. The wind blew, pushing Kaoru’s hair out of his face and he finally looked at his friend.

“Did you think I was going to choose them over you?”

He didn’t reply, but the silence said everything.

Kojiro pushed his shoulder, “You should know that I would never choose someone else over you!”

Kaoru scrunched his face up, “You promise?”

“Promise. Here,” the other boy held up his pinky, “If I ever choose someone else over you, you can cut my finger off.”

He stared at the finger, before wrapping his pinky around his, a small smile on his face, “You better not be lying to me.”

“Me? Never!”

They didn’t hug, though Kaoru’s arm twitched. The two of them were at the age when outward affection was seen as a baby thing, so they just fist bumped instead. 

“Okay, now that we have that stuff over with, I need to tell you about this new thing I found!” Kojiro started and Kaoru relaxed himself against the ground, quietly listening to his friend ramble about whatever. 

He was still chosen. 

  
  


Kaoru doesn’t know when their relationship shifted to biting insults and sarcastic remarks. Though, if he had to make a guess, he would think it was around when he started his punk phase. Pressures from school and his family were getting too much for him, so when he finally cracked midway through his second year of high school, the bitterness that had been building up finally bursted out and seeped into his bones. 

He started with getting piercings, sneaking out of his house with Kojiro in the dead of night and going to the local piercing parlor. It was shady as fuck and there was a high chance that they would botch it, but he refused to back down now. 

“Don’t shit yourself.” Kojiro said, yawning. He was still a bit grumpy from being woken up.

“You don’t need to tell me that, idiot.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. This place looks fucking weird. They’ll probably cut your face open.” He gestured to some of the workers, “Hope you’re ready for a face scar too.”

“Oh shut up.”

Kojiro raised his hands, shrugging with a smirk on his face as he leaned against the table, “Your funeral.”

Kaoru would’ve said something back, but the worker was walking their way and his mouth shut with a click. Somehow, he came out the other side with actually good piercings, his eyes studying the way they shone in the light.

“Not too bad.” Kojiro said, though he wasn’t looking at him and his face was slightly flushed, “Now I feel like I need to do something too.”

“We offer haircuts, if you don’t want a piercing.” The worker said, cleaning up his tools, “You’d look sick with an undercut.”

Kojiro hesitated, ruffling his hair before looking at Kaoru, who had been reading the disinfectant instructions, “Whatcha think? Undercut?”

He looked up and shrugged, “If you want to match me, go for it. I’m not going to tell you what to do, dumbass.”

After a moment, his friend seemed to steel himself and nodded at the worker, “Bring it.”

“Awesome, dude!”

Kaoru laughed softly at Kojiro’s ‘confident’ walk (he was actually so nervous), walking over with them and muttered, “Make sure they don’t cut your head off.”

“Kaoru!” he hissed before being sat down. 

He came out fine, with a few buzzes, Kojiro had an undercut. He stared at himself for a long time, touching at his head with a nervous expression.

“How do you feel?” Kaoru asked.

“Like my mom is going to murder me.”

He laughed, punching Kojiro’s shoulderm “Your fault for following me.”

His face shifted at that, becoming unreadable for a moment before he shrugged one shoulder, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

When Kaoru got contacts, Kojiro came with him. 

When he started skateboarding, so did Kojiro. 

When Adam, or Ainosuke at the time, was welcomed by Kaoru, Kojiro did the same. 

He doesn’t know why he let this guy in when others have tried and failed, with Kojiro being the only victor up until then. It was probably the way Ainosuke looked at him. It made him feel seen in a way he’s never felt before. Like there was no need for words, the other boy already knew everything. 

Now, looking back on it, he wasn’t being seen. He was being _evaluated._ He was being hunted, watched like he was prey for a hungry predator.

What a fool he had been.

But when Ainosuke showed his face, told him that he was ‘special’, it made something click in him, filling something he thought was missing. He had been so desperate at the time, wanting to be seen, wanting to be special, wanting something to be...easy. Ainosuke was easy in a way that even Kojiro wasn’t. With him, there was nothing else but skateboarding. There was no need for feelings, for hardship or pain. There was no need for anything to be complicated. Ainosuke wasn’t Ainosuke; he was Adam.

Kaoru wasn’t Kaoru; he was Cherry Blossom. 

What he felt for Adam straddled the line between admiration, infatuation and not exactly love but something like it. It would take him a few years more before he would admit that he felt something more for him. But he could admit that he wanted to be around him all the time. 

Adam was something to chase after. He was freedom, he was new, he was everything he wanted to be. And Kaoru was the fool who followed him towards the cliff, nearly falling off the edge. Maybe that’s why he stopped looking at Kojiro, who had always followed him until he didn’t anymore. 

When Adam left, it left something empty. He hadn’t even noticed him carving into his heart until he was gone, leaving him shaking in the wake. Kojiro had comforted him, even though both lost something. But when he looked at the other boy, he didn’t see the destruction that he saw in himself. It made him bitter.

Revaluting it, this was when their interactions became angry and sarcastic. When true meanings became hidden under biting words and slowly became normal. It was a rough few weeks, they fought so much because both were hurting in ways that the other couldn’t understand. The hurtful things they said weren’t always exaggerated and neither had gotten a grasp on what was a lie and what wasn’t. They bordered on the edge at some points and it really looked like one of them was going to go over the line, breaking them permanently. But they survived, but not without cracks. 

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but when they came out the other end, they didn’t really know how to interact any other way. So they kept up the angry act, refining it slowly over time into something that only the other person could understand. 

Or maybe that’s what they told themselves because it let them stop being vulnerable. Because it was easier that way. Neither could take anymore pain and they thought that this would be the way to move on. 

Kaoru found out that Kojiro was leaving at the pier, where all rude awakenings take place. It was obvious from the moment he saw the other and he quickly steeled himself. Kojiro was holding onto some papers and it became very obvious. But he waited for him to say it himself.

“Kaoru!”

“What did you want to tell me?” He knew.

Kojiro looked almost embarrassed, looking away as he shuffled his feet, struggling to say the words and Kaoru just wanted to get this over with it. The end was coming, he just knew it.

“Just spit it out.” he demanded, finding some awful satisfaction seeing Kojiro finally

squirm, he was always so unflappable.

“Fine, god, jerk.” He held out the papers, “I got accepted to that culinary school I was telling you about.”

“The one abroad.”  
“...yeah.”

Kaoru knew he was freaking him out with his silence but he couldn’t find any other way to respond that wasn’t going to sound angry, so he tried to say, “Congratulations. You should take the offer.”

“I mean, I don’t know—”

“Why don’t you know, just take the fucking offer. It's the best school out of everything you chose and you’ve already decided, didn’t you? That’s why you’re here.”

“Can you just—”

“What are you waiting for?”  
“Would you let me finish?!”

Kaoru’s tone suddenly got sharp, “What is there to finish? You’ve already made your choice; you’re going to go abroad, you’re going to leave me behind and you go off to be some big shot chef or whatever the fuck.”

“Leaving you? Who said anything about leaving you?” Kojiro became incredulous, his arms waving around, “No one said anything like that!”

“You’re going to an entirely different country, you will be several hours behind Japan, we won’t be able to see each other for more than once a year.”  
“I’m not just going to up and abandon you, Kaoru, can’t you just fucking trust me?”

No, he couldn’t, not after…

“If you think you can do it, then by all means but I already know what’s going to happen.” he already turned around, hopping onto his board. 

“You always think you know everything, huh? Think you have everyone figured out?” Kojiro spits, “You don’t even realise how wrong you are.”  
“Good luck, Kojiro.”  
He skated away that day and created a chasm between the two of them. It was better this way. Made the end easier. Kaoru still went to go see Kojiro off at the airport, but it was stiff and none of their words seemed to reach the other. 

It was better this way, he said. 

  
  


It took them a while to mend everything. Kaoru was deeply bitter about the whole thing and was too prideful and immature to be one to apologize. Kojiro still tried to keep in touch, messaging him every few days. Some were just random updates about how he was doing, other times they were attempts at conversations. 

They mostly fell flat.

He kept trying to justify what he was doing, yet he would always reread the messages obsessively, wanting some trace of familiarity. The guilt was starting to consume him but he couldn’t find it in himself to make the first move, so he did nothing. And for a long time, maybe half a year, it stayed like this until two things happened. 

The first was Kojiro’s messages becoming more scarce. It seemed like he was finally giving up.

Good, he thought as his chest ached something fierce, it’s easier like this. 

When they stopped altogether, he found himself in his room having a panic attack, realizing that he just pushed his oldest and only friend away, leaving himself totally alone. It was just like middle school all over again, except this time, he’s really done it. Kojiro finally left, choosing something or someone else. It was fair, in a way. 

He chose Adam over Kojiro so many times. 

And in a sick way, he still wanted him. It wasn’t love, he knows this now, after a few attempts at love and heartbreak in college. He just wanted something unattainable and unreal. 

The second thing that happened was a random conversation he had with his literature professor after class. He was particularly out of it, it being a few days after his first panic attack alone in his dorm and he was still feeling some after effects. So when the professor called him down, he barely registered anything he said.

“Sakurayashiki, can I ask you what is bothering you? You’re usually so attentive in my class, so I’m concerned about you.” she asked him, pushing up her glasses.

“It’s nothing, just stupid stuff.”

“Well, it certainly isn’t stupid to you. Just, humour me, alright?”

Kaoru sighed, tonguing his lip ring in mild irritation, “Alright, fine. Just, something I was expecting finally happened. I just...drifted away from a friend who’s going to school abroad. It’s easier this way, things were going to end anyway. I just...sped up the process.”

The professor quietly listened to him, thinking before she walked around her desk and pulled out a book, “Sakurayashiki, have read this? It’s called _The Beast in the Jungle,_ written by Henery James. Do you know what this book is about?”

Kaoru furrowed his brows, shaking his head, “I haven’t read it.”

“The protagonist is a man who lives believing that he is destined for some great tragedy, calling it his ‘Beast in the Jungle’. He spends his life in anticipation of this and isolates himself by his volition. In the end, he lives a life without meaning and connection, robbing himself of happiness because of his fear.” The professor looks up at him, a small smile on her face, “Why are you robbing yourself? Why are you running?”

Kaoru stares at her and then the book, “I...I don’t want to be hurt again.”

“Aren’t you hurting right now?”

She smiles once more, slipping back around the desk and gently giving him a small candy, “Here, sorry for the inconvenience, you may go now.”

He wasn’t sure what to say, so he slowly walked out of the classroom, her words resonating for a moment before he made a decision and pulled out his phone. 

It doesn’t fix things right away but Kaoru was realizing that things never tend to be fixed right away. The conversations still felt stilted and he hesitates to message Kojiro first, but he’s at least trying to stay engaged in the conversation. Maybe he didn’t message first because he felt like he didn’t have the right to, but he still got his best friend back in the end, so it’s all okay. They mended themselves slowly and even though they never had a real discussion about everything, Adam incident included, a simple hand touch and look felt like it was enough to patch things up.

They were in Paris on a graduation trip, a present from their parents. A ‘congratulations’ for making it through school. The two of them had already gone around and seen the big tourist spots, the Eiffel Tower, the Catacombs and the Louvre. At night, they went looking for good food spots, at least the best they could find for their admittedly low budgets. Kojiro liked showing off his stupid French skills (Kaoru was embrassingly bad) while Kaoru pretended not to notice people looking at his friend funny. He’s not blind, the man (god, they were already men) seemed to have gotten really into exercise and looked like he could lift a semi-truck. 

Too bad he’s not into buff men, he told himself.

On the last day of their trip, they hung around one of the parks as they breathed in the French air. It smelt like bread but it was probably just the bakery nearby.

“Kaoru.”

“Hm?”

Kojiro was smiling, looking up at the sky as he said, “I’m going back to Oikinawa.”

Kaoru’s eyes widened at that, leaning back as he asked, “Really? What for?”

“Oh, you know, I just...I’ve been away all this time and I miss it. I miss...the people. And everything else.”

He didn’t question it much, just nodded because why would he want to ask questions? Kojiro was coming back, it didn’t matter why he was. 

Knowing now that so much of that decision was for him, Kaoru wonders what life did Kojiro deny himself and why he thought Kaoru was worth choosing over it.

  
  


Kaoru wasn’t really expecting visitors, it was mostly a maintenance day for his calligraphy business, so when he heard a knock at the front door , he just sighed.

“We’re closed!”

“It’s me, Langa.”

Cherry paused, looking up from his paperwork to see the boy standing at the door with a sad expression and for some reason, his heart melted and he went to the door.

Opening it, he gestured to the inside, “Come on in.”

The boy seemed troubled as he sat down, quiet for a long time before softly asking. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course you can.”

He sighed, “Alright, so you know how me and Reki weren’t talking for a while?”

“Yes, I do remember that. You got into a fight, yes?”

“I...sort of, yeah. We’ve fixed everything but I still feel bad about it.”

“I see.”

Langa fiddled with his sleeve, “My mom said that we just kept missing each other and neither of us were in the wrong but...I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.”

Cherry raised an eyebrow, leaning forward, “Did Reki say that?”

“No! No, he never would but...I feel like I was forgiven too easily, you know?”

“Yes, I do know. But…” he sighs, he’s really not the best person for this conversation, “You can’t change the way you feel. And you can’t change how Reki feels. The only thing you can change is how you act from now on. If you want my advice,” he pauses, “You need to just try for Reki. The apologies have been done already, all that is left is the action you take afterwards. Apologies with no real change mean nothing because you’ve learned nothing and are destined to make the same mistakes, so just try to be better. Talk about what went wrong and what you can fix. You don’t always have to get it right, you just need to make the effort. And I’m sure Reki is doing the same for you.” Cherry’s eyes look downwards as he mutters, “And...say thank you. For everything. A thank you never hurts.”

Langa studied Cherry for a moment before nodding, “Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you.” he stands, stopping to say, “You too. Whatever is going on between you and Joe.”

He sighs, “That obvious, huh?”

“A little.” Langa huffed out a little laugh as he walked out the door, “Fix it! We don’t like mom and dad fighting.”

“We are not your mom and dad!”

  
  


Kaoru stands at the front of the restaurant, feeling like the building is looming over him now. It’s usually a place of comfort, with the lights and warm atmosphere. Kojiro’s familiar rambling and a seat that is just for him. But now, he stands there, feeling nervous. He considers turning around and just letting another one of their important conversations fizzle out and disappear into the background.

Except they never really do disappear, they’re still there, simmering below the surface. They’ve just been ignoring it all. 

It’s about time he followed his own advice and brought them out to the light. He’s an adult, damn it. This shouldn’t be so hard. 

And yet, as he grips the handle of the door, ready to swing it open, he still stops. 

Kaoru grits his teeth and nervously runs his hand through his hair.

This. He’s never been good at this. The apologizing, the ‘being wrong’, the ‘talking about how wrong you are’. And maybe that’s because he was rarely wrong as a kid, or at least, rarely told he was wrong. When it finally started happening, he lashed out and then ignored the problem until it went away on its own. He always went forward with what he wanted to do and just let the others follow behind him. People always had to react to him. And it always seemed to work out, so there was never any reason to change it.

But something cracked when he saw Kojiro break down in front of him. The tears, the cries, the yelling. It was the effects of everything he’s ever done that have finally reemerged. He’s been wrong a lot lately and it’s like the world has opened up in front of him. His view was always just calligraphy, technology, skateboarding and… Adam. 

Adam was his first real failure. What happened felt like his fault and he desperately wanted to rectify it. Knowing now that he spent all that time just focusing on someone who didn’t deserve it and forgetting everyone else in the process, it hurt. Knowing that he caused Kojiro, arguably the most important person in his life, so much pain made him finally say no. 

No more running.

He’s done with running.

So, he opens the restaurant door. 

“You want some pasta tonight or are you going to ask for some omurice or some bullshit, despite this being an Italian restaurant? You know, like an idiot?” 

It was a fairly standard opening for their sarcastic and mean banter to start. On instinct, he opened his mouth to shoot out an insult, but he slowly bit it back. It didn’t feel appropriate for this. 

Kojiro, of course, notices immediately and leans forward on the counter, undoing his top button on his shirt, “You doing okay? You’re out of it.”

Kaoru still doesn’t know where to start or what to say, so he just takes a deep breath and says the first thing that comes to mind, “Thank you.”

The other man doesn’t get it, a slight smile on his face as he pointed to the kitchen, “I’m just making you dinner, weirdo—”

“No, I mean thank you for everything. _Everything_.”

He finally seems to understand, eyes widening before his face settles into something rueful, “Oh you mean… shit, I really didn’t want you to hear all that.”

Kaoru steps forward, sitting on one of the chairs, “No, I needed to hear it.” his voice softens, “Kojiro, I realised that I haven’t always been a good friend to you, even though you’ve always been there for me and you always tried so hard to keep our relationship afloat while I didn’t do the same for you. You could’ve given up and I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

“Kaoru, that’s not true—”

“It is. I was always so busy with my own shit that I totally forgot about you. And, I want to finally talk about everything because we left a lot of things unsaid.”

Kojiro seemed to flounder, unsure how to talk to Kaoru and he huffed out a laugh. When did they get so bad at actually talking?

“W-Where do you want to start?” the other man asked.

“I suppose, where it all started. Adam.”

“Oh.”

Kaoru breathed in deeply, eyes becoming wistful, “You were right about Adam. About all of it. I stupidly thought I could single handedly bring back our friend. But...he never went away, he was always like that. I just didn’t see because I…”

“Because you loved him?”

Kaoru blinked at Kojiro’s words, the other man’s face carefully neutral and he replied, “No. What I felt wasn’t love. I wanted him. And when he left, I lashed out at you because you didn’t seem like you cared as much as I did. You weren’t hurting like me and I...I guess I was mad about that.”

Kojiro leaned back, scoffing, “You make it sound like you were the only one who did shit he regrets. I said some terrible stuff too and I threw things around because I...I was jealous of Adam. Mr.Perfect. Guess that might be why I wasn’t as sad as you were.” he looks at him, eyes narrowing, “If we’re going to do this, you need to stop talking like I’m some victim and you’re the monster. I did some shit too.”

“...alright.” he turns away, “But I am at least to blame for pushing you away.”

“You were mad.”

“Doesn’t make it better.”

“Hey, I’m not saying it wasn’t shitty, I’m just saying you had your reasons. And I’ve already forgiven you. Just, don’t pull that kind of shit again and we’re good.”

“It can’t be that simple.”

“It can be if we make it. After all, I’m the simpleton, right?”

Kojiro laughed at that but Kaoru found himself starting to ramble, “I-I can be better, I can make things better. I-I’ll be nicer and I’ll take care of you. I-I can be different—”

“Woah, woah, Kaoru!” Kojiro waved his arms, silencing him, “Who said anything about being different? Jeez.” he shakes his head fondly, “There you go again, trying to overcorrect everything. Kaoru, I think you need to understand this but...we’re assholes.”

“We didn’t used to be.”

“Yeah, maybe when we were kids. But that’s not who you and I are anymore.” he gestures to the both of them, “That’s not who _we_ are anymore. I mean, I’m a lazy, dishonest player who uses sex and dating as a way to cope with the fact that I’m too scared to actually be vulnerable around people.” Kojiro said, a lazy smirk on his face, gesturing for Kaoru to continue.

He felt himself smile a bit, “And...And I’m a stone cold, selfish bitch who never learned how to admit that I’m wrong and too prideful for my own good.”

“Yeah, you’re an ass.”

“You’re an ass too.”

Kojiro snickered, looking at him with bright eyes, “Yeah, and I like that about us. We’re a pair of assholes. That’s just who we are now and I don’t want us to change the way we interact.” the man turns to him fully, his pinky finger out, “Let’s make another promise, c’mon.”

Kaoru scoffed but linked their pinkies anyway, “Alright, fine.”

“Okay, let’s promise that we will always be our honest selves with each other _and_ if we ever want to change and be ‘better people’ or whatever, we do it for ourselves and no one else.” Kojiro said, a grin stretching across his face, almost childlike.

Kaoru felt warm and he couldn’t help but smile back, “We also learn to talk like mature adults.”

The other man playfully whined before sighing, nodding, “Alright, fine, we also talk like mature adults. Any other last minute requests?”

“...no, I think we’re good.”

Kojiro unwraps their pinkies and he goes to stand up, “Alright, now are you going to tell me what you want to eat or should I feed you dirt and see how that goes?”

“Omurice.”

“The restaurant is still Italian, asshole.”

But he goes to make it regardless, he always does. He’s humming a song as he cooks and rambles about his day, filling the air with soft noise. Kaoru feels himself unwind again.

Something opens in his chest, something warm filling his veins as he watches Kojiro just be Kojiro. 

The world shifts every so slightly, ready to tip him over.


End file.
